1. Pick a band and answer only using the band's song titles: Bad Religion

2. Are you male or female: 20th Century Digital Boy

3. Describe how you feel about yourself: Unacceptable... just kidding... Bored and Extremely Dangerous

4. Your best piece of advice: Don't Pray on Me (I don't need it!)

5. Describe your last relationship: Only Entertainment

6. Say something to your current crush: Get Off (teehee)

7. Say something to an ex: Walk Away

8. Say something to someone who you hurt severely: Fuck Armageddon This is Hell

9. How do you feel right now: I Want to Conquer the World

10. What do you hate: Flat Earth Society (Damn fundamentalists)

It's funny how easy it is for kids to decide things sometimes.
I'm not talking about big decisions or anything, but just to work on assumptions that fit their perceptions of the world around them and invest themselves into those decisions with no reservations.
At least that's how I was as a kid.
I'm thinking of a couple of examples, but one of them just feels more appropriate right now.
When I was young I always assumed that God saved the best weather for Sundays. Easter Sunday in particular was given to warm temperatures and sunny skies, no matter how early in the year it came.
It was a patently silly thought, but at the same time it was something I knew completely and with all of my heart. And if reality is defined by our perceptions, than that was the reality of the matter. The nice part about the little things is that you can recreate them the way you want to and it really doesn't harm anything, maybe it even makes them better.
What's wrong with remembering a day a little sunnier than it was?
Or remembering a pretty girl's smile as a little brighter than it was?

But what I really want to know is why this roll of toilet paper I stole from the bathroom smells like pot.

I am suddenly seized by the urge to dive into the depths of self indulgence known as blogging, though I have nothing worthwhile to blog about.
Procrastination has gone from being an idle amusement to a way of life. I literally complete many of my assignments mere minutes before they are do, in spite of the fact that I've had hours of boredom to work on them. I'd been getting better about this recently, however this last week and a half or so has sucked from me all willingness to work.
We had a staff appreciation dinner tonight, the fact that it was thrown by the staff strikes me as more than a little funny, the awards were amusing if nothing else. I was presented with little mock trophies celebrating my flexibility and my calmness.
The latter award was the, "James Dean" award. That's something I'm totally fine with, after all James Dean was a sexy sexy man. With the little speech that went along with the award my manager remarked on my consistency, that I approach the same issues the same way each and every time, and that people know from this where they stand with me.
I can't help but feel that the compliment is a little left handed, after all, doesn't that just mean that I haven't tried to figure out a BETTER way to handle things?
I'm officially going to be gone second semester next year, America, no longer able to tolerate my presence is shipping me to Europe for a few months in order to take a vacation from me. I'm fine with this, though I've been talking about it for so long that now that it's actually happening I'm at a loss for how to actually conceptualize living in another country for several months.
Before I cross that bridge though I officially have a job over the summer, which is nice. I'm working at Boys Town, the lady who interviewed me really liked me, that's good I suppose, she asked me if I'd been "coached," about my responses.
I think I'm going to bed.

Dude.... totally forget about everything I posted earlier. I was feeling fine pretty much by the day after. I think it was just stress about interviews and school getting to me, stuff like that.
Things are going awesome for me right now.
Possibly the best they've been going for a long long time.
It's funny how things just sort of fall into your lap sometimes isn't it?
Man I'm drunk right now.

I don't like who I've become.
I'm not talking about my base self, I'm still fairly happy with who I am.
But I don't like who I act like anymore.
I'm tired of being an asshole, really.
The problem is, when I stop making snide comments, I start in on the self deprecating humor. I've always hated the sort of desperation that puts into my voice.
I think it's my focus on this that's been fucking with my head so much lately.
I think so many of my cylinders are running over this problem that everything else is suffering. The only time I'm not feeling like my foot is perpetually in my mouth is when I'm swimming. I spend more and more time in the pool because I always feel good about myself while I'm doing it and right after I'm done with it.
The rest of the time I feel like shit.
And of course, today I didn't swim.
I was too busy, I really did have too many things to do, too many things that I'd put off too long because I was busy feeling sorry for myself.
I'm really not used to this.
I'm good for brief bits of self pity, but this has been going on for a couple of weeks now.
Sometimes I can't help but think I need some sort of significant other.
It's terrible, and I really don't like the idea of "needing" someone, but I really do believe I could do with the balance that would provide.
Hell, if nothing else it would give me something to actually be dramatic about.
Unfortunately.... the girls I know are interested in me wouldn't fix the problem I don't think. I like Gwen, but something doesn't feel right with her... She's too sweet maybe.
Brenna, who I think is interested... I don't think I can offer what she's looking for.
Of course the real problem here is, I'm not telling a lie when I say I'm too selfish for a relationship. Because while my deepest desire is really and truly to be the thing that someone looks forward to in a day, to the point where someone is willing to schedule things around me, I don't want to have to do the same.
I realize this makes me a pretty shitty person, and I need someone who will tell me this.
I need someone who will kick my ass and won't be afraid to spit in my face.
I need someone who can piss me off because they're right and I hate them for it.
I need someone I can learn from.
I don't want to be someone's experiment, I don't want someone who is looking at me as a concept.
I don't want someone who I always feel the need to talk around, because frankly I'm tired of carrying conversations.
I want someone.

My Break Re-Cap
Break rocked... I thought about ending the post here, but what the hell, I'll keep going.
I really can't remember the beginning of break, it's sort of fuzzy. I know we went to A Series of Unfortunate Events, and a couple days later we went to, I Heart Huckabees, which I had already seen but liked more than well enough to see again. I'll probably buy it when it comes out.
Quick change of topic, movies I need to buy:
City of God
I Heart Huckabees
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Being John Malkovich
Back to break.
At some point Christmas was in there, as were a slew of family things and such. I saw the Aviator, not a bad movie. I failed, on multiple occasions, to be able to rent Flight of the Phoenix.
At some point New Years Eve worked its way in. It was sort of surreal, lots of loud drunk people I didn't know. I wasn't feeling particularly social that night, which was unfortunate.
Oh yeah, earlier that week I had wicked stomach flu, Brooke and Jen saw me, I thought I was going to die at one point.
Extreme levels of arty were witnessed on several accounts, I even got in on it, though not until much later, and in a much less interesting way. (I liked my vaguely morose snow writings and pictures.)
I finally went down and saw people in Lincoln, I've been meaning to, but it just never happened until this year. I hope I can do it again, it was fun, though the second visit was unfortunately timed, there wasn't anything that could be done about that.
I became addicted to Iron and Wine and I listened to them incessantly on my iPod. I became addicted to them to the point of annoying Jen and Brooke.... Brooke actually with-held it at one point when I was driving her home.
I miss everyone in Omaha already, especially Brooke, Jen and Alan, who were more or less with me during all of my free time, of which there was quite a bit.
So I've been back for about 30 hours or so, and I've already spent all of a day in training and put up 4 bulletin boards and planned a floor activity.

City of Dreams

This is the coolest thing I've heard in months. It's like old school radio dramas. It has a distinctly Twilight Zone feel to it too. The episodes are all about half an hour, and the voice acting is stupendous. They pull in celebrities to do the voices. Steve Buscemi and Tim Curry are in episodes.

The only downfall is that you have to download Realplayer.